Exhausted, Swollen and Tired

This past week has got me. I informed my OBGYN today that I have absolutely hit the proverbial pregnancy wall and I was done. She laughed at me.

First, let me say --- I went to Carolina Beach for a couple of days this past week to do a little fishing and to help the preggo time pass a little bit faster. On the way home late Friday night I started not to feel so hot. I started having pains in my tummy and my stomach was having contractions. At first I was worried that maybe I was just super hungry. I haven't been able to really eat or hold anything down for about a week -- I've been nauseated or have had horrible indigestion and eating has been less than enjoyable. So we pulled over and I inhaled a cheeseburger from McDonalds. I should probably say: I don't eat Micky D's. I just don't but I was so terrified that I could possibly be starving my unborn child I man-ed up and ate. But it didn't help. The contractions came and I was feeling it. So we rushed over to Grand Strand Hospital and had them take a looksie. I was having false labor pains and my blood pressure was high. I was scared. I just felt so unprepared if labor was coming and to be quite honest I was scared SHITLESS! Justin was a trooper, he was worried but trying to make jokes to lighten the mood. I laid there in the hospital bed, strapped to machines monitoring everything and my teeth wouldn't quit chattering -- I was scared. Well after 2 hours of monitoring they released me home to rest. My legs have been swelling really bad and have caused something called "Edema" or "Pitting" and according to the Labor and Delivery nurse I had the worst she had ever seen.

So Saturday and Sunday I didn't really get out of bed. I laid around and tried to keep my feet elevated to relieve some of the swelling. Today I went to the OBGYN for an ultra sound and check up. My blood pressure was high again but they were able to get it down by laying me on my left side. My ultra sound also revealed that I was NOT having this monster sized baby boy that all the doctors had predicted! THANK YOU LIL BABY JESUS! As a matter of a fact they estimated Baby Cash's weight as 6lbs and 15 oz! OMG! They doctor was guessing he weight 7.5lbs a MONTH AGO! Can you say relieved???

When they first took my blood pressure, coupled with my other symptoms the nurse made the comment that they may check me into the hospital today and try to get the baby asap. This sent Justin into a panic. He had just come from court and it just tore his nerves all up! He paced around the room saying over and over again -- we can't have this baby today, we aren't ready.

Now the good news is -- the doctor didn't send me over to L&D and instead put me on bed rest and ordered me to come back on Friday. We also discussed a scheduled C-Section and all of that will be decided on Friday. That, that I can handle. Let's just pray all comes back okay with my blood work up and everything goes smoothly!

-A-

37 Weeks and Ready to POP!

So today I went shopping for all the last minute things I am going to need. I bought extra bottles, passies, some formula (just in case), nursing bras, a night gown and robe for the hospital and all that good stuff. This picture of me is in the Motherhood store, I have no idea why but I felt the need to document the size of the bump....again.

I am ready....READY for my sweet baby boy to grace us with his presence! My hands and feet are swelling to the point that they are unrecognizable. I go to the doctor on Wednesday and I'm praying there will be good news. This baby is one big boy and I'm just miserable. I can't eat, I can't breath and I sure as heck can't sleep. I know this is the normal consensus among women at this stage -- so it's bearable.

I almost have the nursery complete. I bought the fabric for the chair to be recovered today, my dad is going to drop it off to be redone, Justin is hanging the chandelier tomorrow and my only other goal for the week is to find beautiful artwork for the walls. Not too shabby for this very busy preggo girl.

Tomorrow is my last day appearing in court and I'm excited to get in there and get it over with! Justin has been so great about giving me time to rest and prop my feet up. Technically I could send him tomorrow but there's something in me that feels like I have something to prove.

I'm nesting, trying to get everything just right before the baby comes. Not necessarily because I feel the need to clean but mainly because I know that my parent and in-laws will be in and out of my house and I would hope they would think I was just the tinsiest bit clean!

The countdown begins!

WAHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Amy

So it's official, I'm 6 weeks out from getting to meet my dear sweet, kicking little boy! It's amazing how time flies by. I feel like yesterday I was trying to absorb the enormity of just being pregnant and now I'm sitting here with a full round belly, swollen feet and a smiling face --- 6 weeks! Hip! Hip! Hooray!

I have been super busy with trying to get the nursery finished, my house organized, wrapping up some of my bigger cases and preparing the office for some time off. My mom has laughed because she swears I have taken a "Man Approach" to being preggo and child birth and I think she may be right. I have been super blunt, and to be honest I've been kind of silly and jokey about the whole thing. I know deep down in my guts I'm just scared of what's to come and my coping mechanism has been to laugh about it all. Here are a few of my insights into pregnancy that no one shared with me:

1. All of my friends have told me what a fantastic and sweet feeling the baby moving and kicking in my tummy would feel like. Truth: It's not sweet and it's not fantastic! It hurts! Ever been kicked in the ribs from the inside out? It hurts like HELL! haha! Ever been kicked in the Va-ja-ja? OMG! It takes your breath away! So yea, not sweet at all.

2. The heartburn is horrific! I buy Rolaids at SAMS in the huge ECONO bags because I can't seem to keep the acid reflux from feeling my nose! I puke about every other day and it consists of water and acid. BOO!

3. The exhaustion is almost debilitating. I have recognized that I can only go up so many flights of stairs, I can only bend over so many times and I can only walk so far in a days time. When I hit the "Pregnancy Wall" I am done. Spent. Finished. Exhausted. I am simply dead and there is nothing left in me.

4. Your feet and hands swell towards the end and if you're really lucky like me -- Your face! Has your face ever been so swollen you can feel it? And by "it" I mean your face. It is possibly the weirdest feeling every. You can actually feel your cheeks and lips to the point of noticing they are abnormal without ever seeing your reflection. 2 weeks ago I helped my parents out with an event they had and spent too much time on my feet only to be super surprised with feet that looked more like sausages than extremities. My dad, building my self-esteem says, "Honey, sausages doesn't do your feet justice, it's like you've slammed a rack of ribs in your shoes!" haha! Thanks Pops.

I just keep telling myself, "KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE PRIZE!" We had our 3D/4D ultra sound and getting to see my (not so) tiny little angels face makes all this mess, all this pain, all this exhaustion 100% worth it. Check out that profile! Those lips! Those chubby little cheeks. I'm in love!

In the last couple of weeks I have not felt good at all. I'm just exhausted, exhausted to the 100th degree. Justin has been wonderful, he recognizes when I've hit my wall and sends me to bed to get in some sleep and to rest. I guess I'm in a bit of a panic. I recognize that the next 6 weeks are going to fly by and I am in a fury to get everything on my "list" done and ready for baby.

The bedding came in for the nursery and it is utterly FABULOUS! I will post some pictures soon when it's all done. We finished up our last birthing class tonight and getting to see those tiny tiny babies in their little beds just made all of this so real! I can't wait!

Justin and I had our baby shower this weekend in NC and I have never felt so loved in my whole life. My mom, sister and sister-in-law truly truly outdid themselves. The theme was "Cotton Candy Wishes and Candy Apple Dreams!" AMAZING! Getting to see all my friends and family and spend time and hear baby stories was beyond words perfect. **Side note: My great aunt Barbara only gained 1lb during pregnancy with her 2nd child. WTF?**

So the goals of the next few weeks: Get the nursery ready, get rested up for the baby and try to enjoy being pregnant. This pregnancy has been hard on my and my body, so the goal is to try to sit back and just enjoy the ride, what's left of it anyways.

-A-

The Next Step

Pregnant. Yup, it's amazing how that one little word can do such a number on your body and life. My first trimester was riddled with the classic pregnancy straight from the textbook symptoms. I was wrought with morning sickness that never quite came in the morning, oh no, it liked to visit around 5:30 pm on my ride home from work. I would promptly pull the car over, puke on the side of the highway, wipe my mouth and continue on. I was exhausted. I felt like I could never get enough sleep, I yawned compulsively and it kind of felt like I had the on set of the flu. You know what I'm talking about, it's like your whole body is a tad achy, your super tired yet you seem to trudge through it. That was the feeling. I also was uber emotional. I found myself crying hysterically and completely freaking out my parents and Justin. Now I will give myself a little bit of leeway here - I mean I was in the middle of leaving a job, searching for a new one, planning a wedding and buying a house.

So yea, I was the quintessential preggo girl. Oh, I should not forget the acne. Now I'm one of the luckiest girls in the world because up until this whole baby situation I have been blessed with fantastic skin. But with my hormones going crazy I broke out like a pizza face, not to mention the trail of bumps on my boobs and back. ICK! Justin playfully called it tit-ne and butt-ne. (My dermatologist giggled when he heard our new vocab) I remember him looking at my poor skin and driving to the mall and buying me some pro-active. Bless his heart. Ah, but it all went away. THANK GOD!

With the 2nd trimester came a renewed sense of self. The acne cleared up (for the most part), I'm not nearly as exhausted as I was and the nausea has subsided. It also helped that Justin and I pulled off a wedding (all planed and paid for by us), bought a new house and office and we decided that I should quit looking for a job and work together and build a firm. There's an amazing peace that came with getting that all off our shoulders.

And now the third trimester is beginning! This week will mark the start of the 7th month! WOWZERS! Time has flown by and I feel like I just need a little more time! But we are going strong and forging ahead. I picked out a crib and baby room stuff for lil Cash this weekend, so the nursery will be done soon enough, Katy is planning the baby shower and almost all of the doctor's bills are paid. AH! It really amazes me how Justin and I make such a good team. I guess it takes sitting down, making a goal, sticking with it and working hard to make it all come together.

I am one lucky girl.

Amy

The BIG 3-0!

So this past Thursday I turned the BIG 3-0! Yes, this lil girl turned thirty years old and did so in stride. Most of my friends didn't take the momentous occasion so well. I don't know why, but I like getting older. I feel more comfortable and centered with myself, happier with my choices and decisions and overall I just feel content. Ah, the big C word. Some people look at being content as something that isn't good- but not this girl.

My whole life I feel like I've been searching for something, something bigger than me and I'm finally at a point where I "get it." It's not that I've achieved everything I want in life, Lord knows I have a hunger for a lot more -- BUT I am truly happy with where I am right now in this very moment. I'm an accomplished attorney who gets to use my education and knowledge to help people in their darkest moments, I found a man that loves me and supports me in all my endeavors- who is my best friend, my partner in crime and in law and he gave me the best and most wonderful gift in the world - the baby I have longed for my whole life and just didn't know it. I get to be a MOM soon and I my heart is humbled that God would bless me with such a big and wonderful responsibility.

You know, growing up I was always pretty good at stuff but never exceptional but deep down in my guts I knew I would be a great mom. I just knew it. And now I have the honor and privilege of being and doing just that.

The years have also brought me an appreciation for my parents that only time and life can give you. I am absolutely in awe of them both. Each so different yet they are the perfect pair working in unison so efficiently and loving that you can't imagine the two as a one. My Mom is the probably the hardest working, most giving, loving, easy to talk to, self-less person I know. My Dad is the more quiet type who is a great listener but also a great teacher. He's always observing everything, soaking up every detail of everything, he's always hungry for knowledge, never too judgmental and always willing and eager to teach us kids a lesson. It takes turning 30 years old to have that kind of insight into the love of a parent. In your teens, you find yourself trying to dis spell every thing they say or want for you and by the time your 20's roll around your too busy trying to live "your life" that you miss out on all the stuff they've been saying for years. So it takes moving into your 3o's to really "get" what they were saying, advising, and giving the whole time. It's your "Ah" moment if you will. I am the luckiest girl in the world because I have two parents who LOVE me, and not just love they ADORE me and they tell me so every day. And the icing on the cake -- they love, love, love, LOVE each other and in a way that very few people will every really get to experience. Having them as a role models for life, for love, for spirituality.....may be the biggest gift of all.

So with that said, turning 30 is a Joy, a Blessing and I'm just so grateful to get to settle in and just sit smack dab in the middle of it.

-A-

Thinkin'.....

I was stalking my regulars on Facebook tonight and it hit me that everyone is taking the bar exam next week! My heart aches and leaps for them- on one hand, the chapter is drawing to a close and it's the end of a long hard journey-- but on the other hand I know the panic that is setting into their heads and hearts. There's a mini-nervous break down happening somewhere with some poor bar taking soul. I'm saying prayers for all of you m'dears. Remember, take a deep breath, keep your nose to the grind and don't panic (too much) because it's all survivable. I look back over this old blog and I see the sheer panic of all of it in my posts and I'm reminded of just how silly all of the worry was, You guys are going to do GREAT!

In other news, we are all moved into our new house.....FINALLY! The new TV and cable was installed and delivered on Monday afternoon and the office is finally moved from Conway. I am sitting at my computer after going through files and organizing everything. I really think this was the best purchase we could have made, with a baby coming it will allow me to work from home and give me an opportunity to not miss too many beats when it comes to my work. I'm telling ya, God has a plan and I am blessed.

Justin is leaving tomorrow for a boys in Atlanta with some of his old fraternity brothers and I am heading to NC to spend a lil QT with my fam and do a lil shopping for the house. My mom and I have already planned out a trip to IKEA followed by a quick stop at South Park Mall in Charlotte and I maybe a little Cheesecake Factory for dinner....I mean if we have time and all!

Happy Girl.

Big Changes

Wow, it amazes me as I go back and look at the content of this blog -- that my life has changed so dramatically! In the past 6 months everything has been flipped upside down, turned all sideways and somehow has put me right back on my feet in the happiest place that I'm not even sure my heart allowed me to imagine! I'm not saying it was easy, heck, if anything it was heartbreaking, soul testing and just plain hard.

Hmm, so much to catch up on..... Well, in March I had a trip planned to Miami with all my girlfriends from Law School for one of my bestest friends, Ashley, for her bachelorette party. The day before I left I wasn't feeling so good. I had been nauseous for the past week and I just knew something was off. Well, a pregnancy test later and VWA-LA I'm preggo. I was so busy with work I took the test in the bathroom, shoved the EPT in my pocket and worked for over an hour until I realized I had forgot to check it! I pulled that little sucker out and the words "Pregnant" were sealed on the tiny screen. OMG! OMG! OMG! That's what kept running through my head! I closed the doors to my office and just sat in shock and disbelief. I wash of emotions and thoughts came over me: What was I going to do? How am I going to tell Justin? What will his reaction be? What will my parents think? OMG! OMG! OMG! I'm not married, this is not the order of how things are supposed to be!

So I called my mom, only my mom could help me in this very emotional moment. So I picked up the phone and called. So through my light crying I tell her. To which she SQUEALS with excitement and joy! I was taken aback, I reminded her of all the stuff that was running through my head and she said...."WHAT? Amy, this is the best news ever! Why are you upset, you're almost 30 years old, you're an attorney with a good job, you love Justin and you guys have been planning on getting married soon anyways. Honey, you're not 16 and this isn't MTV, this is GREAT!" And so, I took a deep breath - evaluated her words and thought....SHE'S RIGHT! So, I left work a little early for lunch and ventured over to Justin's office to tell him the news.

I was beyond nervous and I found myself crying a little and not being able to form the words to tell Justin the news. **Now let me pause and say this: Justin is a kid loving, sweet amazing man but for some reason I was terrified he would be upset. Mainly because we had a plan, a life plan and this wasn't in it, at least not for the next year or two.** So i finally muster up the gumption to tell him, and I say it, "I'm pregnant." A second of earth shattering silence was ended by a huge smile and a, "Really?" I nodded and he couldn't quit grinning. He said the kindest words anyone has ever said to me, he said, Amy, I love you! This is great news! It's going to be okay. This is everything we wanted, maybe not in the order but it's always been our goal to get married, have babies and raise a family. He sat me on his lap, hugged me, kissed me and told me to quit that crying that this was great and everything was going to be okay.

He gave me the engagement ring he had saved forever for and we began the process of planning a wedding, for a baby and narrowing down our house hunting.

In April, I left my job and not on good terms. I had worked for a man that had allowed his demons to get the best of him and it was putting me in a terrible position. I'm not going into any details, but I can say that it's sad to sit on the sidelines and watch someone self destruct. I decided that it was not healthy- physically or professionally for me to continue to work in such a crazy environment. And so I left....

I took the next couple of months to regroup, plan a wedding, look for a new job, do some pro bono work and wrap up the house buying. Justin was wonderful, he supported me taking a break and let me do my thing.

We had a beach wedding on June 19, 2010 at 7:30 and it was absolutely beautiful. It was the most relaxed, easy, uncomplicated day of my life and that was my goal. I was 5 months pregnant: glowing just a little, 14 lbs heavier - mainly in my face and belly. But possibly the happiest I have ever been in my whole life. I got to walk down the isle and marry my best friend and seal the deal and my heart has never been more full or loved. Now I should probably tell you, the week up until this wedding was a bit nuts- but it was all taken with a grain of salt and I nor Justin let the craziness get to us. We found out we were having a baby boy on June 17, closed on our house and had a huge pre-wedding party on June 18 and got married on June 19!

I always tell people: If Justin and I can survive living apart for over a year, 2 bar exams, the surprise of having a baby and the week of our wedding -- WE CAN SURVIVE ANYTHING!

So, that my dear friends has been our life for the past couple of months, and what a crazy, wonderful time it's been.

I am now 6 months preggo and Jackson Cash Lovely is due to arrive the first of November! God is good and life is sweet.

More to come....