Selfish ?

July 4th went off without a hitch....kinda. I went to Myrtle and met my brother and parents for a weekend of sleep, food and studying. I slept in on Friday morning, kinda if you count 9:30am sleeping in, and laid out in the sun all day with my Mom by the pool. I had my outlines in hand and achieved my goals for the day- a tan and a lil knowledge to boot. Saturday morning I go up early and got my hair done....and it's looking super cute. I spent my 2 hours in the hair chair doing notecards and studying wills, trusts and estates. Quite a spectacle in my she-she salon! I attempted to come back early on Sunday morning only to be met with traffic on hwy501 as far as the eye could see and after an hour and 45 mins in traffic - I turned around. I ended up staying at the beach house until 8:00pm studying like a maniac. Everyone had left and I got a lot accomplished! I love productivity!

So for the past week I've been rolling around in my head the concept of selfishness. I have always been a giver in life, priding myself on never keeping a thing for Amy. I was listening to the radio after a quick run to Starbucks and I heard a woman asking herself for forgiveness for not putting herself 1st, for running herself ragged for the entire world and not giving herself what she so desperately needed in life. Well, I thought....THAT'S ME! In the past week I set some rules for myself and it started with the word NO. Can you do this? NO. (Politely of course) Could you buy that? NO. Could you fix this? NO. I'm exhausted! Studying for the bar has given me the excuse, and the balls for that matter, to say no to people. And to be quite honest....it feels pretty darn good. Sometimes in life, you do so much that people just expect it....it's not a treat or an act of kindness anymore and it's just what you do. Well, this girl is saying no to things. I'm pooped! Studying for the bar makes me realize just how important I AM! And it makes you prioritize real quick. God has absolutely blessed me with a huge heart, and that heart has finally opened up to not just the world.....but it sees me as a priority. Now that is an accomplishment all by itself.

The past couple of days has been a bit nuts. We've been studying like crazy girls. I finished up handwriting my corporations outline...trying to seal in the specifics to memory and doing MBE practice questions. Criminal Law is just not clicking for me, so tomorrow I am going to spend a good 3 hours going over ?s and why they are right and wrong. Pray I start to "get" it. Panic has started to set i just a little and I'm overwhelmed.

But the good news is - I am blessed, God is good and I have a lot of people that love me...including myself :)

-A-